Breaking News! Anonymous Puts Shrine in Crosshairs; Announces Plans to Release Clown Unit Member Information Nationwide

Tampa, FL–On Friday, the self-proclaimed “hacktivist” group known as Anonymous announced its intention to release the personal information of Shriners International Clown Unit members across the country. In a press release uploaded to YouTube, Anonymous directly addressed Shriners International, stating: “We have followed your Clown Units for years. We have watched you men put on makeup, wear ragged clothing, and proceed to scare children and adults alike throughout the United States. Clowns are the stuff of nightmares. You are the stuff of nightmares. This will not stand. The world deserves to know your names.”

 

Noble Joe Snow, head of the Clown Unit at Durka Durka Shrine Temple in downtown Tampa, expressed his dismay: “I just don’t understand it. Sure, we know the kids don’t actually like the clowns. Actually, they run away screaming more often than not. But we’ve always had the clown unit. We can’t break from tradition for anyone, no matter what the threat.”

 

Anonymous failed to disclose when the group would release their treasure trove of information, but one thing is for certain: Anonymous and the Shrine can both agree that the situation most certainly isn’t funny.

 

-SK Mason Burhmaster
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