In what can be described as global exhalation of relief, the entire global Masonic community expressed gratitude to the Grand Architect of the Universe that another week had gone by without a Grand Lodge publishing an anti-gay statement or edict. Looking to the heavens in adoration to the Deity that makes all life possible, Freemasons worldwide excitedly turned away from their laptops, desktops, and mobile phones knowing that no other Grand Lodge decided to be homophobic.
“It was great,” Brent Mulleson, Master Mason of Millet Town Lodge No. 445, responded excitedly. “I turned to my fiancé and said, ‘I don’t have to be disappointed being a Freemason for another week.’ She might not understand but I can finally put my Masonic ring back on after taking it off for the last four months.”
In a written statement issued to all Grand Masters, God, the Grand Master of Heaven and Earth, expressed his support for those opposing anti-gay legislation.
“Today is a great day for Freemasons, who worship Me in many ways and forms. Sadly, I see on the horizon that there will be more dummies publishing these anti-gay statements and positions but just know that although I created them, that’s totally not how I feel. I just hope that people start practicing what they preach. Love Me and everyone around you; it’s pretty much what I said a million times in a million places. So just do that.”
Upon reading the statement, one Grand Master, from an undisclosed southern state, was heard mumbling as he left the room, “Nobody tells me what to do.”
– The Honorable Reginald Farquar, XVI°