Grand Master Conducts Masonic Survey by Polling Self; Unable to Find Anything Wrong with Craft

Lexington, SC – Officers of the Grand Lodge of South Carolina are ecstatic after getting the results back from an “unprecedented effort” to survey the Craft within the grand jurisdiction. Spurred on by recent “wildly successful” efforts by the Scottish Rite and Masonic podcasters to utilize surveys to ascertain the cause of membership decline, Most Worshipful Joe Snow, Grand Master of the Grand Lodge of South Carolina created his own survey to poll the Craft.

“The results weren’t shocking at all.,” said Bro. Howard Wisenstein of the Grand Lodge Committee on Membership. “According to the survey results, the Craft is overwhelmingly supportive of the Grand Master and his initiatives.”

When pressed further about the survey’s sample size and polling practices utilized to conduct the survey, Bro. Howard explained, “…The Grand Master wanted to do this right, so he took a page out of the Gallup playbook. Understanding that Gallup’s nationwide political polls only capture 1 in 200,000 Americans, and given the grand jurisidiction’s total membership of a little over 35,000, Most Worshipful only needed a sample size of 1 to provide a representative cross-cut of Masonry in South Carolina. Naturally, he chose at random based on who happened to be in his office at the time and ended up conducting the survey on himself.”

“The Grand Lodge Committee on Membership is still analyzing the results of the survey effort, but preliminary data suggests that this is the best year that South Carolina Masonry has ever had!,” MW Snow exclaimed. “Based on the overwhelming satisfaction on the part of the Craft, I’d expect our membership numbers to increase significantly over the next several years, especially if my successors continue my initiatives. We could very well see the resurgence of Masonry for the first time since the 1960’s!”

The Grand Lodge of South Carolina will be writing up a comprehensive after-action plan once the results are fully analyzed, but has already begun to budget funds for two “must have” programs according to the survey: expansion of area Masonic youth groups and the funding of the Grand Master’s Lady’s book club.

-SK Bro. Mason Burhmaster
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