UGLE Pro Grand Master makes Journalists Masons at sight and promptly expels them for unsavory journalism

London, UK – Freemasonry made the news again this week when Bro. Dieter Clowndes, the Pro Grand Master of the United Grand Lodge of England (UGLE), made an editor and journalist of the UK tabloid known as The Independent Masons at sight, and not more than 30 seconds later expelled them both for “conduct unbecoming of a Mason.” This expulsion from the fraternal organization is reportedly in connection with an unsavory article published by the tabloid the week prior, according to sources close to The Past Bastard.

A high-ranking officer in the Metropolitan Grand Lodge Lodge of London, who spoke to The Past Bastard on the condition of anonymity, attempted to explain the Grand Master’s actions: “The article published by The Independent last week was a slap in the face to all brethren wheresoever dispersed. The officers of UGLE realized they couldn’t punish the paper itself for its libelous article, so they decided the best course of action was to make a public display by raising Jamol Nahan, editor of The Independent, and Madame Lush, author of the article in question, at sight and immediately expelling them from the order.”

The Past Bastard’s anonymous source lauded the Pro Grand Master’s actions, stating: “The United Grand Lodge of England has been pursuing a policy of openness with the press leading up to the 300th anniversary of its founding next year in spite of the libelous claims of devil worship, xenophobia, misogyny, political conspiracy, and Titanic wreck coverups promulgated by the hands of the UK media. We have to take a stand where we can, and that’s exactly why the Pro Grand Master’s actions were warranted, and should be applauded.”

The Past Bastard assumes that the look given by former Bros. Nahan and Lush at the moment of their expulsion mirrored this one.

Not everyone, however, seemed satisfied with the Pro Grand Master’s actions. Fellow Masons present at the ceremony described his actions as “not cricket” as former Bro. Nahan’s and former Bro. Lush’s quick dismissal precluded the journalists from taking part in dinner and libations at the festive board after the ceremony. Many of the older members, however, were seen to smile briefly–for the first time in years in some cases–at the irony. 

This writer of The Past Bastard wishes the UGLE well in their continued campaign against the mainstream media in advance of their tercentenary celebration next year. As the Masonic adage goes: If you can’t beat ’em, make ’em join….and then expel ’em! 


The Past Bastard declined to reach out to the former brethren at The Independent for comment as the writers felt it would be inappropriate to engage in Masonic intercourse with those who have been expelled, especially for poor journalism.

– Dionysius Bacchus III

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