Grand Lodge of Arkansas suspends entire Grand Line

Black Rock, AR — In a flurry of executive leadership activity over the past week, the Grand Lodge of Arkansas has suspended or expelled every member of the Grand Lodge with the exception of Stella Campbell, the Grand Lodge receptionist.

“I really can’t tell you what all the fuss was about,” said Mrs. Campbell, Past Worthy Matron of Beyonce Chapter No. 737, OES. “There was some men in here, you know those grand Shrine mucky-mucks, and there was a lot of yelling and stomping around, and there were yelling about license plates, and then the phone calls started, and next thing you know my car is the only one in the parking lot, and there’s a note saying ‘Stella, you’re in charge.'”

Relocation crews removing items from the

Grand Lodge of Arkansas building earlier this week

Vying with West Virginia for the title of “The North Korea of American Freemasonry,” the Grand Lodge of Arkansas has been rife with animosity and Masonic politics for the last few years, but as the GM has issued a gag order on all Masons from that jurisdiction, few reports have been substantiated.

Chris Hodapp has reported on various aspects of the turmoil within the Grand Lodge of Arkansas, but unfortunately has not been at liberty to discuss any of the details which Arkansas Masons have smuggled out of the state.

With the next election of the Grand Line still some months away, Worthy Matron Stella Campbell appears to be running what is left of the Grand Lodge. “It’s a good thing we installed that fax machine last year,” she said. “Now I can just fax the same statement over and over. It would have been a major pain in the you-know-where if I had to tell people over the phone several times a day that all of the officers have suspended themselves.”



In our rush to get this story to print ahead of Chris Hodapp, one of our interns inadvertently inserted a picture of the MWPH Grand Lodge. Since our intern was not aware that some Grand Lodges are not in amity with their Prince Hall counterparts, it was an understandable, if embarrassing mistake.

There was no intention to cast aspersions upon any of our Prince Hall brethren.

The Past Bastard sincerely regrets the error.

— Conte Calvino Gliostro


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