Cracked Rock, AR — In what is becoming a new Masonic custom, the Grand Masters of Georgia and of Tennessee have sent gifts to the Grand Lodge of Arkansas in a show of appreciation for their ability to take the public eye off of the idiosyncrasies of their respective Grand Lodges.
The Past Bastard has acquired an email (apparently referencing the situation described by noted Masonic author Chris Hodor) from the still-hacked AOL account of the Grand Lodge of Arkansas, which read, in part:
In light of your efforts to turn American Freemasonary from a society of philosophical and moral studies into a quasi-religious organization with a focus on adherence to arbitrary rules from the 1920s, and for your ability to deflect public scrutiny from the peccadilloes of our own, respective Grand Lodges, we would like to present the Grand Lodge of Arkansas a token of our appreciation.
A UPS driver reportedly left several packages outside of the Grand Lodge of Arkansas building because nobody was around to sign for them — the entire Grand Line of officers having suspended themselves last week. Local sources reported to us that the packages were a case of Tennessee-distilled Jack Daniels Whiskey, and a large container of Georgia peaches.
The Past Bastard hopes that Worthy Matron Stella Campbell (who appears to be the only office staff member left to run the Grand Lodge) enjoys them in good health.
— Conte Calvino Gliostro